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As I look out from within the eves,
The sun held high by flexing trees.
Mine eyes do catch upon a rook,
that upon second glance I did bestook.
For crow or nightingale, nay proud raven,
this nerubian flyer perched within the yard.

Unflinching it spied me from my perch,
Sinking into stonework I did recoil.
Two beady eyes un-relenting,
Assessing my right to walk the earth.

'In whose name do you lay siege unto my mind?'

Said I, in whispers over the rampart wall.
The bird still sitting starring, waiting,
Had no retort for my muttered call.

Fuming I turned and scorched back into the keep,
not returning for three more days.
Stately matters and a maidens pineing,
could not keep my mind at rest.
At ease from an enemy the watch still did see,
on the forth morning I would sally forth.
Meet this foe within my verdent ground,
Meet this bird and strike it down.

To a flittering sunlight, bleak and uninspired, did I awake.
Regal in my lordly robes into the Gardens a coal poker I did take.
Encroaching upon the wild beast,
Poker still glowing with my hearts vehemance.
Naught four feet before the trellis,
It's form I glanced and readied attack.

Lunging with the form of a fencing master, such had my childhood taught me well,
I struck the beast below the breast.
A mortal blow, I saw it fall.

Yet... Something peculiar in the way it fell,
Lacking weight of the bird I saw from out of the eves.
...
Something lacking it it's substance,
It's shape was made of twigs and leaves.

Cursing into the morning air,
I cried laughter at my madness,
For four days my mind had been hostage,
Four days of self-reflecting dread.

A victim of the human condition,
it turns out our demons are in our heads.
©2004-2009 ~silent-fire
:iconsilent-fire:

Author's Comments

This was inspired by Poe's 'The Raven'
I think this is one of my better works I have done recently, and always appreciate comments so that I can improve it.

Thank you

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Comments


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:icondark-priestess:
Apart from this line, which bugs me a little:

"that upon second glance I did bestook."

apart from that its a great poem. :frail: the Raven's cool too.

--
"No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"- my moto
:iconkoukris:
Awesome work! :hug: I love the rhyming...flows along so nicely!

"A victim of the human condition,
it turns out our demons are in our heads."

Great ending!!! Pure genious! :)

--
i'm a chooga chooga chooga chooga chooga chooga I'M A TREEEE!!! a chooga chooga chooga chooga chooga TREE!!! look at him, look at her, look at me, chooga chooga chooga chooga tree!
:iconanimaboko:
I really like it when someone adapts another poets work....and it actually turns out well! very good

*********
To a flittering sunlight, bleak and uninspired, did I awake.
Regal in my lordly robes into the Gardens a coal poker I did take.
*********

brilliant bit ^^

Becky x

--
My lips are a poem, the speak only the truth, disguised in lies.
:iconsilent-fire:
thank you very much :D I love using the pre-victorian style of poetry.

--
When cutlass and Ninja sword meet, Only boners will prevail!

Join the ninja movement :ninja:
~realultimatepower

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson and forces you to play a game called 'balls on chin'. What happens next is just a blur, but you
:iconsilent-fire:
:blush: thank you so much, I'm really glad you liked it. And the little message at the end :D :hug:

--
When cutlass and Ninja sword meet, Only boners will prevail!

Join the ninja movement :ninja:
~realultimatepower

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson and forces you to play a game called 'balls on chin'. What happens next is just a blur, but you
:iconsilent-fire:
thank you very much, I agree that that line isn't ideal but It was a nescessary evil to set up the rhyme for the next line. I'll try and think of something better :)

--
When cutlass and Ninja sword meet, Only boners will prevail!

Join the ninja movement :ninja:
~realultimatepower

I hope he grins like Jack Nicholson and forces you to play a game called 'balls on chin'. What happens next is just a blur, but you
:iconanimaboko:
You are very welcome! :clap:

Although some 'oldie' style seems a bit forced i enjoy most of it! Like yours for example.

--
My lips are a poem, the speak only the truth, disguised in lies.
:iconbegotten-numb:
Dude....

legendary you be. :worship:
That is clearly cleary one of ya best :nod:

:handshake:
:icongreen-eyes-1-618:
omg, i REALLY enjoyed that! definetly excellent work from you m'dear! fave lines: the last two, "had no retort for my muttered call". very good, and i'm not really a fan of Poe. obviously there are a couple of words here and there i think u could change, nothing's ever perfect. but still, just wow. i liked it so much!

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November 25, 2004
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